KIPPAGE: Fun Facts and Useless Information 20: It's Going to be a Weird One

WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO FUN FACTS AND USELESS INFORMATION #20.

First and foremost, I would like to thank My Lovely Wife Amorosa for her hard work, making sure I am fed, and get to bed at a reasonable hour, correcting, and making sure I use proper English, and composition factors. 

Also, a Great Big Thank You to Jazz for keeping HCC going gangbusters for all of us, keeping us off the streets like Bingo does for those enthusiasts. Even with his many vacations, HCC still thrives because he has his monkeys trained well.

Now, for our Dear Friends, Dan, and Lou Ann Green, whom we have lost this past year, I would like to dedicate this year's Fun Facts, and Useless Information to them. LONG LIVE WEIRD_1 AND HIS WIFE LOU ANN!!!

WEIRD TALES

You ever wonder about some of the nursery rhymes, and other stories you were told while you were in your nappies?

How they might just not be what they appear to be on the surface? Okay, so maybe not, but here are some that are of reasonable doubt, and are presented into modern times, and situations.

Little Red Riding Hood. A Werewolf tale, yes, how could a normal wolf dress in human clothes, and then speak to "L'il Red" in perfect English?

Hansel and Gretel. A story about two young children who are captured, and abused by a mean old woman, but they turn the tables on her and end up fricasseeing  her in her own oven.  A portent of what is happening in this day and age?

The Old Woman who lived in a shoe. People had big families back then, probably because it was an agrarian society, and no television or computers were available to fill up their leisure hours.

Rumpelstiltskin. An ADHD, Bi-Polar Dwarf.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf. He would have made a great politician.

The Monkey and a Cat. A story about how a scientist of the 19th century experiments upon animals, and caused some of them to take on human traits. The monkey being the front man for the cat who develops opposing thumbs.

The Tortoise and the Hare. In our fast paced modern world, it is rare that anyone takes the time to do things right, but hurries on through a task, and then sometimes has to go back and correct what they didn't do the first time, and loses the contract. The tortoise takes his time, and does it right and wins the race.

The Ant and the Grasshopper. When this was written, one had to work for what they obtained, and had a spiritual pride of having accomplished a good thing. 

Wee Willie Winkie. A kid who isn't deterred by stories of the boogeyman and runs around in his sweat suit after dark with a lantern telling people of the town to put their children to bed. It is a wonder the town constable didn't lock the parents up for allowing him to disturb the peace.

The Boogeyman. A character meant to frighten young children into behaving or he would get you. I used to be terrified of him, until a great uncle of mine told me not to worry. He said if the boogeyman were to grab me, he'd throw me back in an instant.

There are many more stories out there, if a person took their time, they could pick them apart and tag on modern day analogies to the story. These are the ones I found most interesting, if not somewhat unsettling.

WEIRD BELIEFS

Who is to say that any belief is weird if it differs from theirs? Well, perhaps the comments we make on other's beliefs that are weird to us, on the same side of the coin, ours is weird to them. So, everyone has a say in this area. All weird sayings, legends, beliefs, have a common ground that are based on truth, and fact no matter how obscure they may be. So where was I going with this? Read on. I will not name the country, or the people who believe these oddities, due to respect, but print the belief.

In some countries, you do not want to hang around giant white granite boulders because fairies live inside of them, and will snatch you and take you inside of them, where you remain forever.

Certain cultures believe that if you are bitten by a dog, you will have a puppy for a baby.

The Five second rule: Where people believe that if food is dropped on the floor, and picked up within five seconds is safe to eat.

Cotard delusion: A condition by people who are alive, but are convinced they are dead.

False memory: Millions of people seem to have this. For example, have you ever watched a movie in the present time that you watched years ago only to  not remember it that way at all? Many examples of this, and other things in one's life occur regularly for many people.

Cow tipping: The belief is that when a cow falls asleep on its feet, one person can sneak up and push it over onto its side. The fact is it takes several people to do this, and cows do not usually fall asleep on their feet, some do, but not many. The ones that do just might be dozing, and hope to hell they don't wake up if you attempt this. Mad Cow, not the disease.

Dream Weaver: The thing here is if you watch a dim blinking light before falling asleep, one that doesn't hurt your eyes, or cause you to go blind, you will be rewarded with fantastic dreams.

There is a rumor that in some baseball clubs, players won't wash their uniforms, or take a bath after a winning game because they believe that might jinx the rest of their season.

In the Old West, as the belief goes, once a cowboy named his horse, he would never change its name, and for the same reason if he sold it to someone, he made sure the feller, or lady knew its name, otherwise, the horse would hurt them.

Another one is that a scarecrow like monster who walks along riverbanks, and cries like a child to lure people to it. Mountain lions / cougars will do this too, if you ever hear a sound like a baby, or young kid crying out in the woods, do not investigate it. Go to the authorities as fast as you can and report it, or you could wind up in a steaming pile the next day.

Does your left hand itch? Some cultures believe that this means you are going to receive lots of money.

If during a wedding, one of the flower girls throws up, the marriage will not last.

If you own a restaurant, blessing it before you open it to the public will bring you many customers.

If your left eye twitches during the day, it means that a monkey is dreaming of you.

Wearing a mask for more than two hours could cause you to take on the personality of that mask.

To get someone under your control, go to a cemetery at midnight, and scrape off moss on one of the tombstones. Then throw the moss into the person's yard you wish to manipulate. They will do your bidding whenever you ask.

Charms: rabbit's feet, four leaf clovers, crosses, medallions, carrying your personal "Medicine" in a pouch tied around your neck, a walking stick that has crystals embedded in it, the numbers 7 and 11, lucky coins, rocks, carved icons, and many more are believed in just about every culture to in some way bring great luck to the possessor of them. The first lucky charm (Not the cereal), was probably a rock or club that Urg used to defend himself against a raptor dinosaur.

Some of the sailors on the oceans believe it is good luck to adopt a black cat for the ship's cat. I'd say it was good luck for the sailors, and bad for the rodents.

WEIRD BUT PRACTICAL QUOTES

These come from many sources too many to name all of the authors, but will include some of them.

"Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them". - Confucius. 

"If at first you don't succeed, do as your wife told you to do it". - Confusion.

"Man who run in front of car get tired". - Contusion.

"Some people are like clouds, when they leave the area, the day becomes brighter" - Continent.

"A dog that barks constantly has not been deep fried enough" - Cannabis.

"Teach a man to fish,  it will feed him for a day, teach him Overunity, he will explore the Universe. - Kip Page.

"There is a fine line of having a good tan, and resembling a Horse saddle. - Unknown.

"To look at people as you would view a chocolate cake is the epitome of a human being". - Unknown.

"You know you have a good friend if they don't allow you to do crazy things alone". - Kardman.

"If you made a Snowman from both the North pole, and the South pole, would it be Bi-Polar?" - Frosty.

"What do people do with all of the extra time when they text someone on their phone?" - Alexander Bell

"No matter how fantastic a sunrise is, you should never wake someone up for them to see it". - Earnest.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results". - Unknown.

"Courage is what it takes to speak out. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen". - Winston Churchill

"Intelligence is a vegetable that does not grow in everyone's mental planter" - Confusion.

"If you see someone jogging or running down the street, chances are something is after them". - Jabberwocky.

"Never try to convince someone you cannot confuse" - Maladroit.

"Chocolate is the Universal cure". - Kip Page.

WEIRD BOOGEYMEN & WOMEN

Just about all of us have been scared of the dark, something not quite unknown lurks in it, something .. Weird.

DOG MEN. These creatures have been reported to have been terrorizing people for since civilization came about. They appear to be somewhat wolf like, but with more human attributes. Not too much unlike a werewolf, but not the same creature. They could be one of the reasons people disappear in the National forests and are never heard from again.

SLENDERMAN.  A more or less faceless tall being who does all kinds of horrific things to people. Stories of similar beings like the Dogmen have been around for hundreds of years, some psychologists feel that this type of creature is a projection of someone's mind fears, sometimes so great that an actual creature is formed by the person's mind being unhinged, not only to the person who causes it, but to others around them. Poltergeist activity perhaps?

PURPLE PEOPLE EATER. We've all heard of this character. It is purple, and eats people. See the movie, and listen to the song for more.

BAKUNAWA. A sea serpent who causes eclipses.

BLEMMYAE. Headless humanoid with face in torso / chest area.

BASILISK. In some folklores, a giant lizard, that if you look it in the eyes, its stare will kill you. Another, which has fact involved a pre-historic huge feathered creature that stood over 12 feet tall, and resembled a modern day rooster. Yet another was a half human, half lizard hybrid which stood on two legs, and ate people's canaries.

KITCHEN WITCH A Kitchen Witch, is a humanoid shaped doll that you keep in your kitchen to ward off evil spirits that would keep your bread from rising. Some restaurants have different versions of a kitchen witch, or similar dolls, which once were called "Poppets".

MANTICORE. A creature with a man's head, a lion's body, wings of a bat, and a scorpion tail. You see a lot of these people walking around now days.

JENNY GREENTEETH. A beautiful green woman who walks along rivers, and entices men to her, only when they get close, she grabs them and turns into a hag. Captain Kirk Beware!

DOPPLEGANGER. A look-alike or the double. The gene pool is not entirely infinite, and it's very possible you have a twin walking around somewhere. 

HOUSE ENTITY. The home you live in, whether it be a house, apartment, or whatever domicile you inhabit, has a life of its own. If your home likes you, and you treat it well, you will live comfortably there. It can also be a boogeyman to you should it not care for your presence. Talk to your home, make it part of the family, and it will return your love tenfold.

TOMTE. A creature, not unlike a yard gnome, who is associated with the winter solstice and Christmas season. They resemble a yard gnome with a white beard, and pointed red hat, and are mischievous, playing tricks on humans when they are not eating, drinking, or creating Winter Christmas magic.

JINN. Genie of the lamp type creatures, who exist just about anywhere, they can be benevolent, or mean, depending on how they are treated. Be careful what you do with that old bottle, or dusty cracked glass you throw away, a Jinn might live in it and not take too kindly to its home being disturbed.

HOBGOBLINS. Mischievous household spirits. They pull all kinds of tricks. As an example, have you ever begun to take the top off of a 2-liter pop bottle, only to have it take on a life of its own, fly up, spin like crazy and go shooting across the room? Or you go to reach for something and it keeps getting further away while your fingers just brush it. Maybe you hear voices that you can't quite understand, or your name called? If so, your house might have Hobgoblins. Then again, it could be the cats using their mental powers on you for their entertainment.

MOTHMAN. A humanoid with moth wings said to hang around abandoned buildings, and abduct people for unknown purposes. Cats love to eat moths, they are like candy to them; we should train cats to eat the mothmen.

AND NOW FOR THE WEIRDEST BOOGEYMEN AND WOMEN: HUMANS.

Humans are said to be the dominant species of the Earth. Sometimes, I wonder if it isn't cats, but that's another story. Human nature is perhaps the most hilarious, terrifying, and strangest behavior of any creature on this planet, give or take the antics of cats that is. Humans are the only extant of the sub-tribe known as "Hominina". They are also a part of the family of chimpanzees, (there you go Jazz), orangutans, and gorillas known as "Homindae". The Darwin Awards were exclusively created for us Humans.

WEIRD SOUNDS

We hear all kinds of strange sounds every day, some we recognize, others, well, not so much. Sometimes our sub-conscious makes us believe we hear a certain sound when it is a strange one, unfamiliar to our ears, other times it leaves us to our own interpretations. For instance, what key is the sound of a Fart in? I'll leave you to ponder that while we examine these strange, weird, and not every day noises.

Loud horns / trumpets sounding from the sky. In different places around the world, people have heard what seem to be multiple horns blaring from the sky, with nothing in sight. There are numerous instances of this phenomenon, with literature and videos about it that are out there for your inspection.

The Taos hum. In Taos New Mexico, people hear a hum, not audible to everyone; no one is really for sure where it originates.

Skyquakes. Sometimes a booming comes out of a clear blue sky, again, there seems to be nothing visible to explain it.

Depending on what the strata is around a volcano, they sometimes will hum, or make a high frequency sound pitch before erupting.

House flies hum in the key of F, just like most standard car horns, they get your attention, almost irritating.

Mosquitoes hum in many different keys, one is for mating, one is for biting, one is like a radar when they are flying, similar to a bat, other sounds they make have not been fully understood, one of their key hums are in F.

Why does scraping fingernails across a chalkboard cause some people to have a psychotic episode? A study in the field of psychoacoustics has shown that a little part of your brain stem called the "Recticular Activating System" continually listens even when you are deep asleep, and causes the sub-conscious to interpret either a fight or flight reaction to this, and other sounds that are disruptive. Imagine being asleep in a dream, and that sound or something similar happens, and your sub-conscious reacts into the dream and causes a nightmare. It's bad enough when you are awake. When you are awake, and someone does that, it could possibly bring back suppressed memories of something, and cause you to react, usually with a cringe, and anger towards the scraper.

A story that was told to me, whether it's true or a tale, it is interesting. This man bought a used car, which was in really good shape, and while testing it out to see how the engine ran, it was perfect; the whole vehicle had been taken very good care of. The only problem with it is when you drove down the road, an intermittent knocking could be heard from the engine area.

He took it to a mechanic, and the mechanic did all the tests, and everything was fine until the car was driven down the road, that intermittent knocking kept coming from the engine area. So, another mechanic checked it all over, and looked for any loose bolts, or worn out fastening points ... Nothing. The car ran fine, and soon, the owner decided to wait until something broke down, and figured that would be the knocking culprit.

The owner got into a fender bender with another car, a month later, and had to have the fender replaced. When the body shop removed the bent up fender, they discovered that someone had welded a small cable onto the inside of the fender, and welded a nut to the cable. It was designed so that when the car was driving down the road, the nut would bang against the fender when the car moved up and down due to the uneveness of the road. After a new fender was installed, the knock, with the old bent fender was gone.

WEIRD HOUSES, AND BUILDINGS

There are all kinds of domiciles that we live in. Some are normal every day houses, apartments, and even tent like structures. However, there are those that don't quite fit the norm, and seeing one leaves more questions than doorsteps. Check 'em out if you're interested.

The Coral Castle in Florida, it is rumored that the man, Edward Leedskalnin, built this strange park of odd shapes, and stones weighing several tons each with his bare hands.

The smallest livable house in the world is in Germany, and is one square meter in size.

The Brooklyn Clock Tower home is located on the top of Brooklyn's Clock Tower.

The Toilet house in Suwon South Korea, guess what shape it is?

The Sundial house, located in Alsace, not only does it look like a sundial, but functions like one too.

The Shoe house in Hellam Pennsylvania, was the guest house of a shoe magnate, Malhon N. Haines. After his death,  it was an ice cream parlor for a time. Now it is a museum.

The Mushroom house in Perinton New York, built to resemble a, you guessed it, mushroom.

The Dancing house in the Czech republic.

The Capital Gate, in the UAE, Abu Dhabi, is the tallest building in the city, and leans further over than the leaning tower of Pisa.

The Futuro line of houses are shaped like flying saucers. They can be found around the world. Many are found in Finland.

The House on the Rock, Iowa County, Wisconsin.

The Kerret house in Poland, dubbed the world's slimmest house, it fits between two standard houses next to each other.

The Bubble house, sits on the cliffs of France's Cote d'Azur.

The Upside down house in Trassenheide Germany. It was built upside down as a tourist attraction, and allows visitors  to view every day objects in a different perspective.

The Lotus Temple, located in New Delhi India, is built in the shape of a lotus. It is a place of worship, and can hold up to 2,500 people and is made of 10,000 square meters of marble.

Dick Clark's Flintstones-inspired home in Malibu.

The Dent schoolhouse, Cincinnati Ohio, supposedly haunted. Several students went missing there between 1942, and 1952

The house I used to live in. It was originally a railroad car, probably a cook shack for the railroad hands. This particular house had windows that folded outwards, so that the cook could push food out to the hungry lumberjacks. A lot of these railroad cars were turned into houses. They were purchased by people who wanted to live in the logged off areas. They turned them into houses and started a town. After my grandpa had bought the house / former railroad car from a previous owner, he built onto it, turning it into a livable home. It wasn't the best looking place, kind of spooky actually, though comfortable inside, except for the drafty construction and the big spiders you had to fight off. A small shop vac took care of those things. Oh, did I mention bats?

The small attic had quite a few of them. One day, a friend was over, and we were talking, he was sitting in a rocking chair, and I was sitting on the couch, I got up to get us a beer, and took a couple of steps, and my friend's eyes were huge, and he was staring at the couch. I turned around, and there was this huge bat walking on the couch where I had been sitting. I got a big jar, and caught it, and took it over to our local Forest Service office. They had it tested, and it was rabid. They asked if I had been bitten or scratched by it. I said no. They said I was lucky, at that time, in the 1980s, I would have had to get something like 17 painful shots around my belly button if it had bit me.

If you see a bat in the daytime, chances are something is wrong with it. I'm getting off subject, ah well. Years later, I heard a knock at my door, I opened it up, and there was this little boy standing on the porch looking at me. I said "Can I help you?”... He said "I heard this house was haunted. Is that true?” I said "Only when I am in it.” His eyes got really big and he said "OH..." and ran back to his parents who were out in the street walking by. They were smiling, I nodded at them and they nodded back and went on their way.

WEIRD TOWNS, PLACES, AND CITIES NAMES, AND SOME MEANINGS

Have you ever wondered how and why some places got their names, especially the ones that were familiar, yet didn't seem to quite fit? Here are some of them. 

Aloha Oregon. Yes, it is in Oregon, not Hawaii.

Bong County. A county in Liberia named after its 'Mount Bong'.

Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg is a lake in the town of Webster Massachusetts. It was named this to allegedly settle an indigenous fishing agreement.

Deadwood is the famous town in South Dakota where Wild Bill Hickok found out the answer of the great mystery.

Eggnog, Utah is where Santa hangs out during January and February.

Flushing. The name originally came from a town in the southwestern Netherlands. Now several places are named Flushing: a neighborhood in the New York City borough of Queens, a town in Ohio, a town in Pennsylvania, and a town in Michigan.

George, Washington is a small town in Washington state. The streets are named after different varieties of cherries. George boasts to have the world’s largest cherry pie. And they used to have a celebration for couples with the names of George and Martha. I don’t know if they do that anymore.

Hooker is a small town in Oklahoma. Keep your minds out of the gutter.

Intercourse is a small town in Alabama. Keep your minds out of the gutter, again.

Jazz. A small community in the desert southwest, most of the inhabitants vacation year round.

Kokpek is a village in Kazakhstan, famous for their Onion Rings.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is the second longest place name in the world. It is said to be a large village, an oxymoron itself, on the island of Anglesey in Wales. Leave it to the Welsh.

Monkey's Eyebrow is an unincorporated community in Kentucky.

Needles, California. I’ve been there. It’s really hot in the summer, really hot.

Oatmeal, Texas. It is rumored that a lot of Quakers live in the surrounding area.

Pomme de Terre Lake. A lake in Missouri possibly named after a potato. Pomme de terre is potato “en Français”. Literally translated: apple of the ground.

Queer Mountain is a mountain in Antarctica.

Rabbit Hash, Kentucky. Four dogs were rumored to have been elected mayor there.

Santa Claus, Indiana. A town which has the only Santa Claus postmark in the U.S.A.

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikmaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu is the longest place name in the world. It is located in New Zealand.

Useless Loop is a small town in coastal Western Australia, which exports many tons of sea salt every year.

Vader, Washington state. Nope, not related to Star Wars, sorry.

Warp Drive is a street in Dulles Virginia, with its own exit from a nearby freeway, noted for being the headquarters of the orbital ATK aerospace company. It is said to be Trekker friendly.

Xarok is a small community located in the Targist mountains, near Barskoal.

You Betcha is a gambling town in desert southwest.

Zap is an electrifying city in South Dakota.

WEIRD LAWS IN THE UNITED STATES

Some of these laws are outdated, and never really were enforced, but interesting none the less.

Alabama. It is against the law to wear a fake mustache in church if it causes laughter.

Alaska. It is against the law to push a moose out of a moving airplane.

Arizona. It is illegal to hunt camels in the desert, or otherwise. There is truth behind this, Hadji Ali, (Hi Jolly), an Arab; in 1856 was a camel driver who was hired by the U.S. cavalry to test out camels to see if they would be worth using in the desert southwest. It is rumored that some camels escaped, and bred, and their offspring still roam the desert to this day. Quartzsite Arizona was one of his camps and his grave is marked by a pyramid there. 

Arkansas. It is illegal to mispronounce Arkansas.

California. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60mph.

Connecticut. You can be stopped by authorities for biking over 60 mph.

Florida. If any animal is left tied to a parking meter, the same fee has to be paid as if parking a car.

Georgia. Goldfish may not be given away to entice people into a game of bingo.

Hawaii. It is against the law for anyone to insert coins into their ears.

Idaho. You may not fish on a camel's back. Some of Hadji Ali's camels must have migrated from Arizona.

Illinois. It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire.

Indiana. Liquor stores may not sell milk.

Kansas. It is illegal to catch fish with your bare hands.

Kentucky. An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.

Maine. Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.

Maryland. It is illegal to take a lion into the movies with you.

Mississippi. It is illegal for an elephant to drink beer.

Nevada. It is against the law to ride, or drive a camel on the freeway.

Oregon. It is illegal to walk down the street with bolt cutters.

Pennsylvania. You may not sleep on a refrigerator outside.

Rhode Island. It is illegal to throw pickle juice at a trolley.

Texas. It is illegal to take your horse into a saloon. How about a camel? This law was probably from the 1860s.

Utah. Whale hunting is illegal.

Virginia. Driving in circles is not permitted.

Washington State. The harassing of a bigfoot, sasquatch, or other undiscovered sub-species is a felony.

Not all of the states were included here, some of the laws delved too deep into territory that is not family oriented. We cappers have standards and morals of course.

WEIRD FOODS

How many strange, exotic foods have you ever tried? Did you like them, or perhaps only noshed them due to peer pressure, or a dare? Here are some of the Weirdest foods that humans ingest on a regular basis.

Fried spider. Fried, or roasted spider is a regional delicacy in some parts of Cambodia, and is sold in open markets.

Deep fried Mars bars are a delicacy in Scotland.

Century egg is a process where the eggs of many different fowls are preserved in salt, and eaten months later.

Stinky Tofu is a fermented bean curd that smells to high heaven.

Tuna eyeball. In the past over 30 years ago, I always used the eyeballs of a fish for bait; they stay on your hook for a long time. It is probably not legal to do that now. I haven't gone fishing for many years.

Rattlesnake meat. I've tried it, and it reminded me of eating fish, without much flavor. I've heard a couple of people call it "Slithering tofu" as it tends to take on the flavor of whatever you cook or fry it with.

Haggis. Now haggis is looked upon by a lot of people of being gross. It is made up of many different internal organs, usually from sheep, but can be made from other animals too.  I happen to like it, not only because I'm a Scot, but if it is prepared right, it is quite tasty, and full of protein, which in the past, Scottish people, and warriors needed for sustenance and energy not for only on the battlefield, but for navigating the highlands of that country, and keeping warm.

Chicken feet soup, or deep fried for that crackly crunch. Nuff said

Puffer fish, the ones that puff up and have spines on them. There are 150 different species of puffer fish, and just about all of them are poisonous. It is rumored that small slices of this fish are eaten to get a sashimi high from it. Many people die from consuming this fish every year. It is illegal in many places, but still there are those who take the risk.

Brains. This will interest all of you Zombies out there. The brains of sheep, cattle, pigs, goats, and most farm animals are very nourishing, and good for your immune systems. 

Ostrich. Tastes like chicken, really good chicken. I have had them in burgers, and just fried like chicken, and recommend them highly.

Alligator, and crocodile. I've tried both, kind of chewy, but okay.

Shark fin soup. You have to have pretty strong jaws to consume this entree'.

Flavored butter. Many different flavors of butter are out there if you look hard enough. There are smoked, peppered, fruit, fish, licorice, beef, ham, chicken, and many others. Some are hand churned, like a limited beer from a micro brewery, while others are factory made. Bread and Butter!

Dried lizard soup. I wonder if it is the same as rattlesnake, only, add water?

Cola soaked peanuts, soaked in your favorite soft drink, and then salted, and roasted to a crackly crunch.

Cucumber cake. A cake made with fresh chopped up cucumbers, white cake mix of your choice, and white frosting. It is surprisingly good.

Warthog pie. Tastes like really lean pork.

Fried green tomatoes. Not the movie, but fried like you would zucchini squash. Tasty

Batata. Lots of controversy here on which is what. A yellow sweet potato, is just that, what we get as yams in the U.S. are actually red sweet potatoes. A real yam comes from South America, and is called a "Batata".  People will argue with you about the potatoes, but just ignore them and say "Tough Tuber".

Anyhow, enjoy your meals whatever you care to consume.

A WEIRD CHRISTMAS TALE

Imagine if you will, and submitted for your approval, A Weird Christmas tale.

"Dammit Jim, Christmas is coming up, and I can't stop thinking about that girl in the pinafore and the white rabbit on Omnicron Delta." ..

"Doctor, I believe you are confusing the religious holiday of Easter, with the Celtic holiday of the winter solstice on Earth". ..

"Nobody asked you, you pointed eared elf, but since you seem to know so much about it, tell us" ..

"YesTellUs .. Spock" ..

"Gentlemen, several thousand earth years ago, the tribes of earth celebrated the winter solstice. All of the tribes in the then-Briton colonies, and some from the Germanic areas gathered for a great feast to celebrate the return of the sun". 

"But what has that to do with a girl, and a rabbit, Spock?" ..

"Ah yes, doctor, captain, the girl in the pinafore is a symbolic figurine of the rising of the sun, the rabbit was moved from the winter solstice to Easter, which I will explain in a moment The celebration of the return of the sun, the winter solstice, is a ritual to ensure its continuation. During this ritual, tribes would exchange gifts, eat and drink their fill, have, shall we say, relations with each other, and play their crude forms of music for several days, then go back to their respective lands"...

"Sounds like a big drunk to me, Spock, how does the white rabbit figure into all of this?”...

"Many different ways, doctor, but the one that seems to e the best explanation is that up to fifty rabbits were sacrificed a week before by a man known as a druid, and he wore a white robe, which turned red due to the blood of the rabbits. Thus the legend of the being known as Santa Claus was born. However, that is not the real reason for the white rabbit". ..

"Oh Tell us great man of knowledge, what was the white rabbit really used for in the winter solstice?" ...

"Very well doctor, now, pay close attention, because this could help you with your primitive medical practice." ..

"Why you green***”

"BONES .." ..

"As I was saying, doctor, the real reason behind the white rabbit, was due to its properties to help form a crude analogy of Lysergic acid diethylamide"...

"Oh, you mean LDS, Spock?"...

"Lysergic acid diethylamide, or LSD doctor was accidentally invented by making a sausage with rabbit intestines, and rye grain that had ergot fungus attached to it. What the ancient food makers did not know that by stuffing wet rye grain with the fungus into the rabbit intestines, reacted with the residual acid in the rabbit's innards, and created the chemical compound naturally." ...

"So, we have a bunch of stoned pagans dancing around a bonfire and doing all sort of crazy things, then I take it, Spock?" ...

"Indeed doctor, and if I may comment, I see little change in human behavior to this day. A Holy Roman emperor moved the white rabbit to Easter in hopes that the psychedelic usage would disappear. Unfortunately, that was a failure." ...

"Gentlemen, Christmas .. Is.. ComingUpCould .. You Two At .. Least Get AlongForThat ..Amount Of ...Time?" ..

"Though time is a human concept, I will endeavor to be amenable with the good doctor, Captain".  ..

"Bones ..?" ..

"Oh, alright Jim I'll give it a try. Now Spock, one thing you left out, the colored lights, where did they originate?" ...

"Doctor, I left out that part due to the captain's mental trauma with the blinking, beeping and flashing colored lights." ..

"You know Spock, I could almost wish you a Merry Christmas for that."

"Doctor, your offhanded condescension only illustrates your lack of social consciousness."  ..

"Now you listen to me you almost human, no bumps on your head, posing extraterrestrial, I ***"

"Gentlemen, RememberThe .. Christmas .. Spirit .." .. 

Anyhow, that will probably go on for a few more hours.

EPILOGUE

As always, I make this statement that this collection of nonsense is strictly for entertainment purposes, and nothing more. No monies, trades, objects, or anything at all has been exchanged for the posting of these stories, vignettes, imaginations, or rumors from Monkeys.

Some of these stories and useless facts came from the depths of one of my past life personas’ imaginations. 

My Wife and I wish all of you VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

LONG LIVE DAN (WEIRD_1), AND LOU ANN GREEN, MAY THEY LIVE HAPPILY IN HEAVEN FOREVER!!!