There are so many fascinating things that occur in our lifetimes, and different people through the ages have recorded them for posterity, and they give a person something to read about when you're bored or otherwise unbusy. I make no claim to any of these being absolutely true, I have read them myself, in many books, watched a few shows and movies about them, and even had an experience or two myself. One that was quite memorable, was observing my neighbor run over himself with his own truck, it takes some doing, and a few wee drams of scotch, but it can be accomplished.
A lot of these facts, events, and happenings have been written down in different forms, in the Darwin awards, the Fortean times and sundry other books, and videos that deal with such things. I thought it would be fun to present some of my favorites for all to enjoy, or slap their foreheads and say "What the Hell is wrong with Kip?", anyhow here goes :
Did you know that at least ten people a year are killed by vending machines?
If the population of China were to walk past you, one by one in single file, the line would never end due to the rate of reproduction, even with China's one child per family standard.
The can opener was invented 48 years after the invention of the can, in the past, people had to take their canned food to a place in the store they bought it in, and pay a fee to have the lids removed.
Whispering is more wearing on your vocal cords, than yelling.
Right handed people live longer than left handed people.
More than 2,500 left handed people are killed every year using products designed for right handed people.
Non-Dairy creamer can be ignited, and will burn with a greenish to blue flame.
More money for the game of Monopoly is printed every year than what is printed in the United States Mints in a year.
If your skin were to be taken off your body and laid out, it would cover an area right around 18 feet, give or take a few feet. (pun?)
The Earth and other planets in the solar system get 100+ tons heavier everyday due to falling space debris.
It is rumored that some of today's dragster race cars take off with more force than the Space Shuttle.
The moon according to scientists, is moving away from the Earth at a rate of 1.4 inches per year.
People used to believe that if you caught a falling leaf on the first day of fall, you wouldn't get sick all winter long.
Worms some people say, taste like pork.
A dog can be indentified from its nose print. Dogs have unique designs on their noses, just like humans do with their fingerprints. No one dog noseprint is the same as any other.
Some Fart Lore :
If you can manage to fart in a jar and cap it, you can ignite the fart a year later by holding a flame near the jar when opening it.
Termites produce flatulence ten times as much as humans do, when the termite eats wood, its body does not have enough of the enzymes to digest all that it eats, and methane gas is the result of the microscopic pieces of rotting wood in their intestines, which they expel in its gaseous form. Listen really close to wood that has termites in it, and you might hear a poot or two.
On the average, a fart is made up of nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane and oxygen. So far, humans have not been able to reproduce a fart in a lab like the human body can.
Money Matters :
The movie "Titanic" cost more to make than the cost of building the actual ship.
The average company saves over $5000 for each employee suggestion that is used.
The most productive workday of the week according to statistics is Tuesday.
Crime, and its many offshoots like Law enforcement to control it, accounts for around 10% of the United States' income.
Scary stuff :
20 people are killed or injured by ghosts every year, usually, the people are poking around in old deserted buildings, or factories, that are dangerous to enter, and then have an accident while looking for the spooks.
If you encounter a ghost, do not attempt to communicate with it, or touch it. There is no doubt a law which will have you in court for doing such a thing.
Over 100 people die each year from scaring themselves to death accidently.
Groucho Marks stated that if a Black Cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
If you feel your house is haunted, an old Celtic way to rid the place of the unwanted dearly departed, is to pick up a lute, or hurdy gurdy, whether you can play one of those instruments or not, play them, and sing in a high pitched voice. This will drive out any spirits, rodents, and insects.
Funny Stuff :
The reason a lot of photocopiers fail each year, is due to people sitting on them and photcopying their butts.
A lot of Military officers gathered together is called a 'Mess'.
In the original halloween movie, the mask that Michael Myers wore, was a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
It is estimated that each episode of Star Trek has been watched 1000 times individually by each and every fan of the show.
The inventor of an improved bullet proof vest was rumored to have been shot in the head by his assistant after donning the jacket and handing the assistant a gun and telling the assistant to shoot him. The assistant not being told where to shoot him, aimed for the only exposed target. Not exactly funny, but Murphy's law could enter here.
Finally : One way to quiet noisy neighbors from hell down, that have cars and / or people coming and going at all hours of the day and night, is to tell them that some guy in a suit came to your door asking questions about them, chances are that the neighbors are into illegal activities, and will cease their uluations immediately. Jehovah witnesses in suits come to my door all the time, and ask about neighbors, but, I don't tell them that part.
Anyhow, these were some of my favorites clips from different books, magazines, movies and shows. I have no claim to being the originator of any of these tales, just passing them on.
There are many thousands upon thousands of these types of tales and legends out there. Some suggested reading : All of the Darwin Awards books, The Fortean times magazine, Murphy's laws books, The Big Book of Weirdos, Disgusting Tales of Yore. I'm sure there are many more books on these subjects out there that I've yet to discover.
Have Fun!
KIP.
"0 comments" - how could I leave it at that?
ReplyDeleteComments:
- I've only watched each episode of Star Trek about 35 times.
- Tell those Chinese to, "Walk faster and get a move on, stop dragging your feet, or we'll never get this done!" (Do you know how to say that in Chinese? maybe the answer to that is why they never get past that line.)
- A lot of military officers trying to gather information is called, "Military Intelligence". (I knew a Colonel in the US Army whose favorite joke was, that that was a contradiction in terms.)
- There is a Fuji Xerox copying machine, that you can foul up by putting the toner cartridge in backwards (!). And neither the machine nor the instructions will give you any clue that this is why your Xerox machine has ceased to work.
- If a black cat crosses your path and 'Stop' signs all look gray, it signifies that you may be color blind. (But the black cat probably was black, really.)
- the iPod nowadays accounts for only about 100 times as much music actually being heard, than the performances or playbacks of music going on anywhere else in the world in any other way.
(That last one wasn't funny somehow.)